I am not a people person. That is an undisputed fact among those who know me. It is not that I dislike people or that I have some desire to be alone. If I can deal with you on an intellectual level without the need for emotional interaction, we will get on fine. I simply don’t want to deal with the emotional interactions that are inevitably required when dealing with people.
Emotions and drama make me uncomfortable. I don’t understand them, and I do not empathize. I do not know how to react to emotional situations since I don’t understand that basis for them. I will avoid or remove myself from these situations because of the discomfort I feel.
I finally understand that the reason I am this way is because of Asperger’s Syndrome. I had never understood my emotional detachment and discomfort until I began to understand the true cause of it. I have spent a great deal of my life trying to grasp this odd bit of me, and now I finally get it.
I just hope that the people around me can start understanding that my impatience or indifference to their emotions or life dramas is not me having a bad day or being an ass. It is because you make me uncomfortable when you gush about your latest medical drama, pet issue, child rearing woes, or significant other debacle.
I don’t know how to react to your emotions because largely I am puzzled as to why this everything you are blathering on about is even important at all. I see the problem. I see the possible resolutions. I don’t understand the need to get all emotional about it. And I certainly have no idea what to say to make you feel better. So please, understand that if you feel the need to be an emotional fountain in my presence, I will probably excuse myself, and if you try to force me into dealing with your emotional baggage, I will probably say something that you won’t like.
I try very hard to be understanding that emotions are generally more important to people than they are to me, but I think I deserve the same consideration when it comes to not playing out your personal drama in my presence.
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I have always known I was different. As cliche as it sounds, it is true. Since a very young age I have been aware that I was not like the other kids. I have struggled my whole life to figure out who I am and why I feel the way I do. On Wednesday, August 24, 2011, I finally got a more definitive answer than I ever expected. I have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.
My quirks and habits now make sense. I am not sure how this will change my life in the long run, but it is certainly a relief that I can quit trying to force myself to be like everyone else. Some of this stuff is just hardwired into my head. It will be interesting to report the long term effects on my life.
For now, the most obvious and immediate change is that I have just stopped trying to interact with people like I am normal. All of my life I have spent time trying to figure out how to act normal. I don’t pick up on social cues or have innate social skills. I have to learn everything, and I have to put constant effort toward trying to be aware of everything normal people take for granted.
It is a nice break to be able to retreat into my own world and not have to constantly be vigilant about everything around me. It is that vigilance that makes being around people tired. When I am around people that know my condition now, I can at least drop some of that effort and not worry about them getting terribly offended. Or at least so I hope.
Not sure what else to say here, other than I will continue to write about my experiences learning to cope with my condition.
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In a mere fourteen days the government of the United States will begin to default on its debts. We have all been hearing about this in the news for months, but we mostly just see the posturing of politicians like a bunch of bullfrogs on a hot summer night. I believe that the government should let it happen.
I know that sounds like a bit of a radical stance, but I see no other way that the U.S. politician’s are going to realize that instead of constantly applying more gauze pads to a gushing wound, you eventually have to pull them off and fix it. It will hurt. It will take time to heal.
It is the only way we will get out of this mess we are in and establish an economy that is competitive and effective in a global market place. We have once again allowed things to spiral out of control to the brink of disaster through our own hubris and refusal to believe that it can happen again. The U.S. is blind to history and ignorant to pattern recognition.
There are many parallels between now and The Great Depression. The mechanisms of banking, securities, commodities, and stocks that we have allowed to become a bizarre form of legalized gambling and swindling need radical revision. Immigration laws, import and export laws, environmental laws, labor laws, and virtually everything else that effects the economy needs to overhauled and fixed.
This is going to hurt. A lot. I look forward to it no more than anyone else, and since my job is paid for out of a government contract, it is definitely a scary time. I choose to look at it as an opportunity to fix things rather than with gloom and doom. We have to quit fearing change and resisting it until we are forced. Hopefully this will be a lesson that won’t be forgotten, but history tells me differently.
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